I'm here to tell you about the greatest magazine being published today. It's called Butt magazine, it's A5, and it's pink. It's for homos. They call it a 'fagazine' or a 'fag mag'. Here are some things that are great about Butt.

1) The titles
The titles of the articles are very long, like this:

'Matt Bernstein Sycamore: Top Whore From San Francisco Edits Books About Sex Workers and is One of The 100 Most Interesting People On Earth'

'Thomas Engel Hart is a Non-Vegetarian, American Men's Wear Fashion Designer Living In Paris Who Loves to be Beaten Up Every Now and Then and is Married to a Lesbian.'

Butt doesn't bother with titillation or titles that attempt to intrigue the reader: their titles work more like web headings, spelling out exactly what's to come. Modern!

2) The interviewees
Sometimes you'll know who they are, like Jeremy Scott or Ryan McGuinley or Casey Spooner, but most of the time you won't have a clue. Most of the time they're artists or activists or sound engineers or party organisers; and most of the time they're total sluts who are happy to pose in their underwear or with their cocks hanging out, and more than happy to talk about it. Often they despise gay marriage, gym bunnies, gay people having kids, assimilation in all its forms. Always they are open about fucking in toilets, fucking in parks, violence, ex-lovers, whoring, fetishes and fashion. There's none of this 'I'm a musician, honey, so don't talk to me about my private life, talk to me about chords' bullshit in Butt magazine. Of course, they do talk about chords, and songs, and the fabric they use to make clothes - they just also talk about their fetishes for straight skater boys, or how William Burroughs was 'one hot daddy' because he had this porcelain heroin skin, or the time they got fucked by a policeman when they were fourteen.

3) The interviewers
I've never heard of the interviewers either, but the interviews read more like conversations between friends than anything else. Like one guy will start the interview 'So. I've been working on an opening gambit for this interview. How's this. Matt Bernstien Sycamore, what do you want?' And the interviewee is just thrown, and stutters 'world peace?'. And you know that the interviewer has completely won from that moment on. Or the other interview where one moment they're talking about sexuality and radical left-wing politics, and then how European left-wing activist parties suck and how the music at these parties is all terrible Eurythmics or Latin American folk music, and then suddenly the interviewer says 'When we first met - years ago, in the mid-nineties - I was turned on by your marginal position in the gay scene as a radical-left activist. You belonged to this group called 'Rebel' and that's the main reason I slept with you. Why did you sleep with me by the way?' How cool is that? In real life so many conversations are about sex, and they're graphic, and sordid, and crude - yet it's so rare to see that reflected in a magazine. Most magazines separate sex and intelligence - it's either dumb jackoff porn with no text, or the intelligence is sublimated into artsiness, as seen in the vague and pretentious creative non-fiction pieces in Richardson or Purple Sexe. Butt retains both. It keeps it 'real'. It sounds like a taped conversation from a group of rude filthy post-grad urbanites coming up on drugs. In the toilets. After a day at the Sorbonne.

4) Butt teaches you things
Did you know that there's this new breed of gay that only NY could produce - the Puerto Rican, Hip-Hop Homo Thug? Me neither. As a straight girl, there's a fuckload of this stuff that I might never find out. That there's a club in King's Cross where gay men go to pee on each other, called Streams of Desire. How would I find out about that? I'm not a homo or a pee-lover. I'm never going to know about it. I want to know about it. I hate the limits of this body. Is this voyeurism? Is that wrong?

5) Butt isn't Kutt
I'm sorry, lesbians, but you really, really suck. Listen, your brother magazine is talking about sticking their cocks through glory-holes, about getting straight boys to audition for gay porn films and how they'll make them all bend over and pull their asses open, about 'Fuck Around' actions where boys hand out schnapps and play music on ghettoblasters to protest against the police in Copenhagen trying to cut down on cruising and public sex…… and you're all just like 'I am not much of a one-night stander…' and 'What is falling in love to you anyway?… what is the one aspect a person needs for you to fall in love with them?' and 'If I get to the point of wanting sex with someone I am already in love, so then it becomes really hard not to want more'. OH SHUT THE FUCK UP! It's not your fault, girls, that you're girls - and that even the sluttiest of you are still girls and thus can't help but talk of love - it just doesn't make very good copy. Poor women. I feel sorry for my own gender. We are so not fun. I bet lesbians read Butt and feel ashamed of themselves for being so boring.

6) The photographs
Butt isn't gay porn. Butt is a magazine that has photos of its interviewees in their underwear or in the nude. Or fully clothed. Or with erections. This is a bonus. (Look at Heinz from issue 6. LOOK AT HIM!) I can't think of a single other magazine that caters for girls' scopophilic pleasure to the same extent. I'm not saying you could get off on it - though the extremely hot photo of Matt Bernstein Sycamore dressed only in a plastic apron and a semi did pop into my mind at an opportune moment the other day - but if you're a lady who likes attractive gentlemen, politics, and hot, transgressive sex, then you've come to the right place.

Butt magazine is available from Magma in London, but it costs £6. Six pounds! It's only five fucking euros in Amsterdam, what's *that* about? Or you can order it from their website, www.buttmagazine.com, which also features articles and photographs from past issues of the magazine. What else can I say? Get in.



A L S O  O N  S L E A Z E

Poor Gay Judd: Why Judd Nelson in The Breakfast Club Was A Total Flaming Homo (It Just Took Us 15 Years To Notice)

The Gold Chains Guide to Treating Your Lady's Coochie Like A Maze Learn from the master, peasants!

The Sleaziest Thing I Have Ever Done
Heathy Lee Roth of Gravy Train!!! gets very, very nasty indeed.

A Eunuch - the Ideal Man?
Got so much dick he don't need no balls.

The Ugly Guy
Suki Kent on the lust that dare not speak its name.

Drugs are Nice

"Cocaine* can be a sexual mentor and a sublime electrician, bringing the lights of Broadway to women who have spent years in frigid darkness."
Natalie Angier, Woman: An Intimate Geography

*actually, the word she used was 'marijuana', but dope's for lo$ers, kidz!