Corn Mo Makes a Story From My Email Inbox Subject Headings

Corn Mo is a super-swanky American accordion superstar. He has luxurious yellow hair and rich, ruffleable sideys. He accompanies his accordion with a floor cymbal, and his first record was a cover of the Charles in Charge theme tune. He is also the musical director of the Bindlestiff Family Cirkus, and goes out with a trapeze artist. Corn Mo is coll. Please buy his record from Thank you.

Hello Corn Mo! I'm going to tell you some subject headings from emails in my inbox, and I'd like you to guess what the emails are about. And then I'd like you to make a little story with all the things mentioned in the subject headings in. Ready?

1) Ampus kisses monkeys

Someone found you making out with a gorilla masked club kid

2) Forthcoming lives

Your friend is pregnant

3) Rock and Roll Handbook: G FOR GRANDMOTHER

When you need to put out a cd or tour and you have no money, call grandma.

4) 12 Pimp Commandments

Someone forwarded something clever and you deleted it.

5) Hey kids, it's that time again!

Your friend's band is playing at the end of the week and you still haven't seen them

6) Alicia Duvall's Sad Demise

Alicia Silverstone was told her real dad was Robert Duvall and she was sad to lose a cool last name and then she saw "The Apostle" and was happy again and then her cat died.


The Story, by Corn Mo

When Ampus decided that the math was too much and that there was no way that the 2 could be carried to make the seawater contain Jagermeister she decided to walk to the nearest payphone. An asshole monkey, named Socrates (b/c monkey moms love the classics), was dialing down the center of the phone and reached over with his unbusy hand and grabbed her ass. Ampus took this as "cute" and kissed him on the forehead.

Socrates looked up and said, "My girlfriend is with forthcoming life. What do you think of that?"

"I think you need to dial G for Grandmother. She'll know."

"Fuck that. I'm getting out of town."

And the monkey broke the 12th Pimp Commandment which was "Never Put Your Ho in Hodie Ho without the Schnizel of some Dizzle. "

Word out. Holler Out. Someone's monkey will get the drought.

Then, Alicia Silverstone came down the street and the monkey did a double take but didn't take his mind off the prize which was getting out of town. So, she diverted the monkey and came straightaway to Ampus and said,

"My band, Alicia Duvall's Sad Demise, is playing Friday.
Here's a flier."

And Ampus said, "I can't make it. I've got a serious math problem to figure out and there won't be any Jagermeister for the Palm Pirates if I don't make it work."

"Just carry the 2 and add 5," replied Alicia. Then she showed her on the Palm Pirate and it worked!

"You're brilliant Alicia. Now, I can go watch your shitty band!"

the end

For more Corn Mo stories, please visit and


Corn Mo Makes a Story from My Email Inbox Subject Headings

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