like a spicy pepper. She's dressed all in red: red pencil skirt, red high
heels up to *here* - and she's got a bossman on the end of each finger.
Sucking. That's a good look. Barbara's a secretary, and she hates her
job, but at least she's got the bossmen down where she wants them.
Babs isn't a *real* secretary, with rent to pay and a women's magazines
to read on the 67 bus and all that. No, Babs is a creation of the newest
member of Berlin's electro-karaoke cabaret, Angie Reed. Pally with Peaches,
flirtsy with Gonzales, you know the rest, Angie Reed's new album picks
up the gauntlet where the Teaches of Peaches left off.
We're talking minimal syntho-beats and Ms Reed crooning tales taken from
Barbara's debauched fantasy life in a sing-song, Italian-American
Betty Boop kinda squeal.
So she dreams of dark-skinned princes in 'Habibi', a windy little slice
of Arabic sleaze-pop, about hairy jungle gigolo cannibals about to tie
her up, put her in the pot and EAT her in 'Jungle Gigolo', featuring Chilly
Gonzales' finest filthy performance since, um, his lat fine filthy performance
five minutes ago in my head.
She raps about just what a shit secretary she really is, leaving dirty
coffee stains on important documents and chucking all
her crap typing in the bin. A girl after my own heart,
then. Angie Reed, let's chat!
Ok. So Barbara Brockhaus – secretary...
Babs is like this... pepper. This spicy pepper.
Does she like her job?
She hates her job! But she adapts to it, you know? She has a rich fantasy
life. She keeps herself entertained. She does her drawings and stuff...
she gets through it. A lot of Barbera's fantasies come from women's magazines.
Quite traditional –
Ah, hence the Arab prince thing...
Yeah! The record plays with roles – macho roles and women's roles.
I think it's more critical towards men. The structure that things work
in, that we all have to manoeuvre in…
What's that song Psychic Dick about? Some kind of dirty bad man?
The Psychic Dick is like a gigolo. Like a Don Juan character. You know
how they say that guys have two heads? Like, the big head, and the little
head? Well, he's a guy who thinks with his little head the whoooole time.
Thinks with his dick. And he can tell when you're over him. As soon as
you're ready to move on, made up your mind, maybe thinking about getting
with someone else, that's when he really moves in on you, plays with you.
He lives off your psycic turmoil. And your money.
Arabic princes, hairy jungle gigolos… do you like the dark-haired
Dark-haired boys? I LOVE dark-haired boys! Mmmm. Especially if they're tall.
I like hairy boys too. Lots of girls are like, ew, HAIR! But not me. I'm
tired of the boyish type. I'm so sick of that geeky-nerdy thing. But the
real strong type, ooh, they're so hard to find!!!! I was watching this movie
the other day, and there was this guy in it, real deep voice, really taking
control, and I was thinking ARGH, WHERE ARE THE MEN LIKE THAT??? They're
all so full of fear.
Yeah, and Berlin hipster boys are all so smooth-skinned, black-framed geeky
Yes! And I'm so sick of that! Besides, they're the ones
that fuck you up... the ones that run away. I want to find somebody worth
Like, ooh, Gonzales? He's big and hairy
and tall and strong and dark-haired and…
God, he's ideal. Have you SEEN his EYES? Mmm, he's lovely.
And so talented. But, y'know. Too close to home.
O yeah? So you wouldn't go there?
Weeeelll, it's not that I wouldn't go there, nono... but hey, this is goin'
on a website! I can't just say stuff like that.
this friend of mine, when she has a boring corporate office job, one of
her favourite things to do is nip to the bogs for a wank. She calls it 'psycho-sexual
revenge on the suits.' Would Barbara do that?
Heh heh heh. She certainly wouldn't be afraid to go to the bathroom and
take care of herself. Though maybe she'd go for the next boy along, or the
Yeah, but sometimes that ain't practical.
True. Ah, she'd be real good at taking care of herself. Maybe she'd
go down to the car park – y'know, the basement car park, really dark
and cold, and do it there.
Yeah. Actually, the ultimate would just be to do it at
your desk, wouldn't it. Under your desk.
Where will Barbera be when she's fifty?
Well, she'll still be a secretary. But she'll be... I see
her on a BOAT. On a YACHT. She'll be like, the boss secretary. The secretary
of the top boss. She'll be on the boat, but still a secretary. But she'll
be the captain of the boat.
I just wanna keep making music. I got all this equipment
and a bunch of ideas for new characters, and I just wanna keep making that
dirty, dirty music.
Angie Reed Presents The Best of Barbara Brockhaus - Music for the LaZy and
Not the BureaurcraZy! is out now on Chicks on Speed Records.