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How
do they get clothes?
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Clothes
shopping is fun, fast, sexy and exciting. Unless, that is, two of your
least favourite things are going shopping and spending money. The most effective way to do this is known as the Poor Relation. When applied successfully, the Poor Relation means that you can get fully kitted without EVER having to go anywhere near a shop. Poor Relation gets its name from its purest form. This involves appearing at family do's in ripped jeans and busted T-shirts. The t-shirts must look as if they've had a severe beating since being bought from BHS in the early Eighties. You then tell your relatives all about your reluctance to put your keks in the wash, lest they emerge as a fluffy pile of tumble-dried mulch. Results vary. You'd expect them to, seeing as you're inevitably passed the stuff your folks never wear anymore, but my haul of Fred Perrys was the envy of my housemates a few years ago, and I am the proud owner of a particularly fine Pierre Cardin shirt with elastic arms, which more than compensates for the dodgy Gore-Tex and well-made 'industrial' footwear which have also been passed on. And therein lies the problem with the Poor Relation - you have to take everything.
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Applying the Poor Relation to friends is more difficult, because they know all about your Fred Perrys and stretchy Pierre Cardin shirt. However, it can pay richer, if less well-tailored dividends. A word of warning Đ avoid wearing cast-offs in the presence of their donors, as unless that donor is highly sensitive or mind-bogglingly forgetful, you will have the piss ripped right out of you.
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Another problem with the Poor Relation is that after no time at all, everyone knows your wardrobe inside out. By continuing to tramp it up, people soon - and quite rightly - start calling you things like 'tiresome tosser.' Clothes which are cool for already having been worn in also quickly become rags. Even using the Poor Relation, occasionally it's impossible to avoid purchasing items of clothing. It's important to get this ordeal over with as quickly as possible. The best place for speedy shopping is the Charity Shop. Jumble Sales are cheaper, but you need the constitution of a tenacious goat to avoid being sapped by gentrified folk with odd facial hair and badly behaved kids. The tricks to quick-as-you-can Charity Shopping are:
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1)
Head straight for the clothes 2)
Old Faves 3)
Be picky 4)
Sensory deprivation. 5)
DO NOT GET DRUNK And
that's how blokes do it; cobbling together a fun, fast, sexy exciting
wardrobe, with only a minimum amount of time actually buying things.
Chazzing
links: http://www.busybox.org/thrifting/
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SKINT
STYLE:
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