How do they get clothes?
Andy K lets AMP in on some secrets.

 

 


Clothes shopping is fun, fast, sexy and exciting. Unless, that is, two of your least favourite things are going shopping and spending money.
My idea of a worthwhile purchase revolves exclusively around the ability to drink, eat, smoke, read or listen to it. I am, therefore, an expert at the art of acquiring a fun, fast, sexy and exciting wardrobe without shopping.

The most effective way to do this is known as the Poor Relation. When applied successfully, the Poor Relation means that you can get fully kitted without EVER having to go anywhere near a shop. Poor Relation gets its name from its purest form. This involves appearing at family do's in ripped jeans and busted T-shirts. The t-shirts must look as if they've had a severe beating since being bought from BHS in the early Eighties. You then tell your relatives all about your reluctance to put your keks in the wash, lest they emerge as a fluffy pile of tumble-dried mulch.

Results vary. You'd expect them to, seeing as you're inevitably passed the stuff your folks never wear anymore, but my haul of Fred Perrys was the envy of my housemates a few years ago, and I am the proud owner of a particularly fine Pierre Cardin shirt with elastic arms, which more than compensates for the dodgy Gore-Tex and well-made 'industrial' footwear which have also been passed on. And therein lies the problem with the Poor Relation - you have to take everything.

 

 

Applying the Poor Relation to friends is more difficult, because they know all about your Fred Perrys and stretchy Pierre Cardin shirt. However, it can pay richer, if less well-tailored dividends. A word of warning Đ avoid wearing cast-offs in the presence of their donors, as unless that donor is highly sensitive or mind-bogglingly forgetful, you will have the piss ripped right out of you.

 

 

Another problem with the Poor Relation is that after no time at all, everyone knows your wardrobe inside out. By continuing to tramp it up, people soon - and quite rightly - start calling you things like 'tiresome tosser.' Clothes which are cool for already having been worn in also quickly become rags.

Even using the Poor Relation, occasionally it's impossible to avoid purchasing items of clothing. It's important to get this ordeal over with as quickly as possible.

The best place for speedy shopping is the Charity Shop. Jumble Sales are cheaper, but you need the constitution of a tenacious goat to avoid being sapped by gentrified folk with odd facial hair and badly behaved kids. The tricks to quick-as-you-can Charity Shopping are:

 

1) Head straight for the clothes
It might be tempting to look at the books or records or anything else which you might actually enjoy later, but the euphoria of picking up that funny edition of Catch 22, Jilly Cooper's Riders, or Ian Botham's I Didn't Inhale Either - Honest!, will convince you that the dayŐs work has been swiftly completed before itŐs even started.

2) Old Faves
Never buy something your mate's dropped off, unless you want the double whammy of wearing cast-offs and paying for it.

3) Be picky
If you see something that your idol wears, beware! Your idol undoubtedly looks yukky/ stupid if theyŐre arty, prattish if they're in a pop combo, and exceptionally dull if they are 'good with their instrument.'

4) Sensory deprivation.
Best not to sleep for three nights, nor to eat for 24 hours. You will acquire a mad, wired look and be hungry and tough enough to drive a mean bargain.

5) DO NOT GET DRUNK
In shopping terms, this constitutes taste deprivation, not sensory deprivation.

And that's how blokes do it; cobbling together a fun, fast, sexy exciting wardrobe, with only a minimum amount of time actually buying things.
Result!

 

 

 

Chazzing links:
http://www.charged.com/issue_0/thrilling/thrifting/
Online thrifting contest. Vote for your fave thrifter! Judge them by their spoils! It's harsh!

http://www.busybox.org/thrifting/
If for some reason you can't manage to get to the charity shop - you've hurt your leg, or it's (god forbid) closed, try vicarious chazzing instead. Check out these pictures of stylish youths in their new threads. Nearly as good as the real thing!

 

 

SKINT STYLE:
NOT MANKY,
JUST SWANKY!

 

T H R I F T  T R A U M A

W H E R E ?
Scope, Camberwell.
W H E N ?
Late 98.
W H A T ?
I'm just about to try on a silver frock. 'Please don't go in the changing room', the manager says. 'Why not?' I ask. Silence. Finally he whispers 'A woman hung herself in there this morning. With the curtain.' I leave the shop, never to return.

Everyone's got a thrift trauma... what's yours? Tell us!


 

A L S O   O N  C H A Z Z I N G
The Perfect Score
Charlie, Scope and the perfect white fur coat. A thrift-store love affair.


Wonderful Walworth Road
AMP checks out one of London's thrifting hotspots
.


 

T H R I F T   F A C T I O D

Then again, there's always BARTERING. Have a clothes swap in your front room and give the leftovers to charity. No cash involved. Revolution!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Madge Chazzes!
Yup. It's true. Spotted in Oxfam in Goodge Street buying a 7 quid blue jumper and dropping off a big bag of old stuff. Respect!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TOP OF PAGE