THERE'S ONLY ONE PLACE WE CAN GO
There's only one place where girls can be taught to pee standing up. Apart
from, that is, the NHS classes that teach F-to-M transsexals how to be
guys. Unfortunately, I was refused entrance to these classes on the grounds
that wanting to pee like a geezer wasn't the same as actually wanting
to be, like, a geezer.
Nope, that one place is a website, www.restrooms.org, set up by a woman
known as 'Denise Decker'. Denise is a nurse who sought to combine her
interests in sociology, nursing, architechture and orienteering in a site
devoted to 'restrooms'. The most popular section of the site is 'The Pee
Standing Technique for Women'. 'I thought it was a cool trick,' Denise
writes, 'and thought other women might like to know about it too.'
Paglia's 'biology is destiny' viewpoint is challenged by the sheer numbers
of female users who don't seem to have found the production of their own
'arc of transcendance' any kind of problem. There is also a history section,
which points out that the female squatting / male standing template is
far from universal. For example, among the Tuarags in Africa, the females
stand to pee while the males crouch.
| GO ON NOW,
I soon discover that peeing standing up is not as easy as I'd anticipated.
In fact, it's not easy at all. Actually, nothing is happening. My body,
desperate for a wazz mere seconds before, has suddenly developed a chilled
down, take-it-or-leave-it attitude towards the whole affair. I ain't surprised.
This whole standing-up, legs-straight, spine-arched, lips-spread thang feels
utterly, utterly wrong. But I persevere. And then I discover why
restrooms.org suggests trying your first couple of attempts in the shower.
Let's just say, uh, sprinkler system.
'Practice, practice, practice', advises one experienced user of the technique.
'You must decide that you will never sit to pee again, no matter how lazy
you feel. You have to practice hundreds of times to get really good at it.
Over the next couple of months I drink a lot of water. And a lot of beer.